Light humour

[Dino101]

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”
 
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
 
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

 
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A boss announces to his staff: “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”
A voice in the background says: “I’m offering 200!”
 
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Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”
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“No”, she replies sleepily.
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“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!” 
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Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”
 
 
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Judge: “Why did you steal the car?” 
Man: “I had to get to work.”
 
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus. 

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When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass. 
Russia used a pencil.



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Teacher: Who answers my next question, can go home. 
One boy throws his bag out the window. 
Teacher: Who just threw that? 
Boy: Me and I’m going home now.

 

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Teacher: What exactly is MATH?
Boy: Mental Abuse To Humans

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Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"


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A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

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