Light humour

[Dino101]

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. 

So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?” 

One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!” 

So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?” .....

 

That’s about as far as I remember.

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Man is incomplete until he is married.

Then he is finished.

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My friend asked me, "Why are you getting a divorce?"


I responded, "My wife wasn't home the entire night and in the morning she said she spent the night at her sister's house."


He said, "So?"


And I responded, "She's lying. I spent the night at her sister's house!"

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"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums.

 

Could you use African violets instead?"

 

Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."

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A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"


The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"


The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."


The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

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When I was young I decided, I wanted to be a doctor so I took the entrance exam to
go to Medical School.

One of the questions asked us to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an
important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered spine are all doctors today.

The rest of us are sending jokes via email.

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I was in the bar the other day and realised I had wind I needed to pass.

The music was really loud, so I timed my farts with the beats of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel better. I finished my beer, but noticed everybody was staring at me.

The I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my MP3 player through headphones........

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What is the definition of ambivalence?

Watching your mother in law go off the cliff but in your brand new sports car!